It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
