We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
