Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
