he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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