About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
