Bisexual people are plain selfish.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
