i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
