The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
