She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think people are normalizing furries
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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