I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
