Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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