I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
birth control should be required to get into college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
