i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my liver is dry heaving
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
