you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
