my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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