You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
