I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
