he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
