Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
