I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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