smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
