Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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