Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish you could order shots online.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
two words: eviction party
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
