u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
