This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
