The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
