I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
