bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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