...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
