He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
