I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
