i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
