Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
