I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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