i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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