He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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