We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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