he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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