Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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