just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
