I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
