I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
