Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
