Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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