Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
