I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
