My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
