i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
But we have bathrooms and they dont
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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