You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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