Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
