cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
