I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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