Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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