woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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