addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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