Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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