Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
