Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize