i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
