he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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