Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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