just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
