masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
