Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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