I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
