Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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