tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
