I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
