thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
