Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
