i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
