im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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